These past two weeks have been trying for W and I. Aside from the usual busyness that is our lives, we attended two funeral services for people that were dear to us. It had only been a few months since we had seen either of them. Now it seemed both of them were gone out of nowhere. These gentle souls didn’t know each other but one thing resonated throughout both of their services: love each other. Right now. It may feel like you have forever but we truly don’t know what the next day, the next hour or the next minute holds. These people always reached out with love to the people around them and it was evident in those at the services. Whether you knew them for a week or a decade, you felt the love they exuded to the world. So many lives were touched by the work of their hands. It was amazing to see. So my declaration for now and going into the new year is to love more. If it’s saying good morning to a colleague, one to ones with a crazy student or folding the laundry even though I hate doing it, I’m going to do it. Because you never know how that may affect someone. And this world could use a little more love in it.
Yesterday, Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez announced they are calling it quits. They join the ranks of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting, even Kermit and Miss Piggy. And yes, they are all human beings like the rest of us but you can’t help but ask: Why do celebrity marriages break up?
Sex, money and communication are three biggest factors in a marriage. (Thank you Edwin Louis Cole). Problems with sex and communication I can understand. But when I think of celebrities, I automatically think money. Money can be a source of stress as it pertains to stability. If there is tension with money, this can lead to a lack of intimacy between husband and wife. What happens when you have money? When worrying about bills isn’t necessarily an issue? You think with a couple making millions of dollars, this would be the least of their concerns.
What do you think? Does it make sense?
Here’s the link to the article that sparked my interest. Happy reading!
Why all the celebrity divorces lately?
Eight years. That’s how long W and I have been together. And honestly, it doesn’t feel that long. W and I met in during our first semester in college through friends. If you had told us back then that we’d be happily married now, I would’ve laughed in your face. W thought I was stuck up (the nerve!) and I was fully immersed in my studies (when I wasn’t gallivanting around NYC). But somewhere along the line we became close friends. Real friends. The type that you have “what is life?” conversations with. We were all of a sudden doing everything together. Studying, grocery shopping, laundry. It was crazy! And then it hit me. I liked W. Liked liked him. And that was that. We fell in love, got married and here we are! (sharing all of it with you :P) How did your love story begin?
Here we are. Two years ago, we started Love Literally as a platform to discuss what we were experiencing as a young married couple. Of course, our lives became extremely busy and thus our hiatus began. But, during this time, one thing became clear: we needed to come back. Now, we are not experts by any means when it comes to living life but W and I agree on one thing: love. And this echoes not only through our relationship with each other, but other facets of our lives as well. So we look forward to sharing our thoughts with you guys and hope to inspire people to love literally!
Love (v.): ” To hold dear: cherish; to like or desire actively: take pleasure in; to thrive in”
When we hear love, we think of the more obvious, easy parts of love. Things like hugs and kisses, gifts, romance. But in its true definition, love is more than these basic things. Love is a passionate commitment. It’s an active process that encompasses many things; sacrifice,compromise and dedication among other things. In order to be in love and stay that way, you have to do what it says.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Sounds good to us! Love Literally!
After watching an old episode of Oprah, I was inspired to write this. The Smith family was on Oprah to talk about their lives, both celebrity and personal. I was moved by the way the entire family presented themselves, especially as a unit. Everyone is expected to contribute to the family in some way. Everything they do is done to better the family unit. As a high school teacher, I appreciate the accountability that Will and Jada are teaching their children. In terms of their marriage, I also admire how they respect each other as equal partners. One thing they discussed about their marriage was the setting of goals. They said they frequently sit down and set goals for themselves and their family. These goals then give purpose to everything that they do. This resonated with me because this is something that Wesley and I have been doing since we began dating. Setting goals helps to establish us as a unit and keeps us on the same page with what is expected. While some of our goals are financial, not all of them are. And they shouldn’t be. We set personal goals for our relationship and (future) family as well. From what I saw on Oprah, the Smith family seems like a solid, loving and inspired family. That’s why Will and Jada Smith are couple of the month.
Here’s the link to the Oprah interview:
Times have changed. Gone is the notion of the stay at home woman. The average woman these days has a career, in addition to taking care of the home. (And as I’m typing this, I’m waiting for dinner to finish, drying my hair and completing my lesson plans for tomorrow). This was something that I personally struggled with when we first got married. The thought of trying to build a career (and being fully vested in it) as well as building a home was no less than daunting. When Wesley and I got married, I was teaching full-time and was in school full-time. I barely had enough time to sleep, let alone cook dinner every night. So when he would get upset that things around the house weren’t done, or we were eating take out one more time, I would also get upset. Why couldn’t he just understand that Iwas busy? Why was he putting me back in the 1950’s?
Then after the umpteenth disagreement, we sat and really hashed out what our expectations were of our roles as husband and wife. The expectations we both had were based on how we were brought up. In Wesley’s family, the women took care of the house. No question. In my family, the women worked and brought home the money. My mother was as single mother, so a strong, working woman was my model. We decided to agree on the roles both of us would have. I would assume the household duties when I could. When I was busy or had deadlines, he would pick up where I left off. It wasn’t fair to him to have to do it all by himself. We both cook, clean and do laundry. And this works for us.
When I agreed to become Wesley’s wife, I agreed to be one half of our unit. So using work and life as an excuse to get out of that wasn’t ok. I promised to take care of him and our family. And the same for him. If this means that some days, work goes on the back burner so that I can make his favorite meal, then so be it. If it means doing a little more planning on the weekend, so that during the week I can be “present”, fine. These are the compromises you make when you love someone. And you do it because it makes them happy, which makes you happy. Meeting the needs of your partner (or at least trying to) is crucial in maintaining a relationship. But that’s another post. 🙂