2017: Accountability and Application

The focus of the year 2016 for Wesley and I was relationships (the importance of them, maintaining, fostering and ending them). Because of our relationships, we accomplished the goals we set for 2016 and we were able to help other people meet theirs.

Now, in 2017, we want to focus on accountability and application.

Accountability can mean a lot of things. To us, it means accepting responsibility for your actions and how they affect others. In life, we become automatically accountable to other people. As a child, you are accountable to your parents. As you get older, you become accountable to you friends, your boss, your partner, etc. But there is a difference when you become willing to be accountable. Instead of doing things because you should, you do them because you want to. This invites another level of commitment to your every day actions. Choosing accountability also means expecting people to hold you to your responsibilities and your standards. You invite those moments of reinforcement and embrace them, instead of becoming defensive. I can’t get mad if Wesley points out the fact that I agreed to cook dinner and I didn’t. I won’t be surprised if I wrote a terrible lesson and received some not so nice feedback. These are all things that keep me accountable.

Application is using what you’ve learned in life to reach your goals. Something Wes and I are both guilty of is doubting ourselves. Of course, this is a normal human emotion. But sometimes it is okay to know that you know. It’s time to get out there and show and prove! For example, although we’re young, we’ve both been in our respective fields for over 5 years. But we let the fact that we are on the younger side dictate our actions when it shouldn’t. This is even more relevant in our lives outside of work. We place a lot of emphasis on personal growth. Even in our own social relationships, the ideas of communication and understanding that we impart on each other should be given to others.

What are your goals for 2017? Don’t have any? It’s never too late to set a goal for yourself!

Love: Each Other

These past two weeks have been trying for W and I. Aside from the usual busyness that is our lives, we attended two funeral services for people that were dear to us. It had only been a few months since we had seen either of them. Now it seemed both of them were gone out of nowhere. These gentle souls didn’t know each other but one thing resonated throughout both of their services: love each other. Right now. It may feel like you have forever but we truly don’t know what the next day, the next hour or the next minute holds. These people always reached out with love to the people around them and it was evident in those at the services. Whether you knew them for a week or a decade, you felt the love they exuded to the world. So many lives were touched by the work of their hands. It was amazing to see. So my declaration for now and going into the new year is to love more. If it’s saying good morning to a colleague, one to ones with a crazy student or folding the laundry even though I hate doing it, I’m going to do it. Because you never know how that may affect someone. And this world could use a little more love in it.

Why celebrity couples divorce

Yesterday, Halle Berry and Olivier Martinez announced they are calling it quits. They join the ranks of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale, Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting, even Kermit and Miss Piggy. And yes, they are all human beings like the rest of us but you can’t help but ask: Why do celebrity marriages break up?

Sex, money and communication are three biggest factors in a marriage. (Thank you Edwin Louis Cole). Problems with sex and communication I can understand. But when I think of celebrities, I automatically think money. Money can be a source of stress as it pertains to stability. If there is tension with money, this can lead to a lack of intimacy between husband and wife. What happens when you have money? When worrying about bills isn’t necessarily an issue? You think with a couple making millions of dollars, this would be the least of their concerns.

What do you think? Does it make sense?

Here’s the link to the article that sparked my interest. Happy reading!
Why all the celebrity divorces lately?

It’s been how long?

Eight years. That’s how long W and I have been together. And honestly, it doesn’t feel that long. W and I met in during our first semester in college through friends. If you had told us back then that we’d be happily married now, I would’ve laughed in your face. W thought I was stuck up (the nerve!) and I was fully immersed in my studies (when I wasn’t gallivanting around NYC). But somewhere along the line we became close friends. Real friends. The type that you have “what is life?” conversations with. We were all of a sudden doing everything together. Studying, grocery shopping, laundry. It was crazy! And then it hit me. I liked W. Liked liked him. And that was that.  We fell in love, got married and here we are! (sharing all of it with you :P) How did your love story begin?

Love Literally

Love (v.): ” To hold dear: cherish; to like or desire actively: take pleasure in; to thrive in”

(Merriam-Webster, 2013)

When we hear love, we think of the more obvious, easy parts of love. Things like hugs and kisses, gifts, romance. But in its true definition, love is more than these basic things.  Love is a passionate commitment.  It’s an active process that encompasses many things; sacrifice,compromise and dedication among other things.  In order to be in love and stay that way, you have to do what it says.

Love literally.

Love is:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
New International Version (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Sounds good to us! Love Literally!

I have to do what?!

Times have changed. Gone is the notion of  the stay at home woman. The average woman these days has a career, in addition to taking care of the home. (And as I’m typing this, I’m waiting for dinner to finish, drying my hair and completing my lesson plans for tomorrow).  This was something that I personally struggled with when we first got married. The thought of trying to build a career (and being fully vested in it) as well as building a home was no less than daunting. When Wesley and I got married, I was teaching full-time and was in school full-time. I barely had enough time to sleep, let alone cook dinner every night.  So when he would get upset that things around the house weren’t done, or we were eating take out one more time, I would also get upset. Why couldn’t he just understand that Iwas busy? Why was he putting me back in the 1950’s?

Then after the umpteenth disagreement, we sat and really hashed out what our expectations were of our roles as husband and wife. The expectations we both had were based on how we were brought up. In Wesley’s family, the women took care of the house. No question. In my family, the women worked and brought home the money. My mother was as single mother, so a strong, working woman was my model. We decided to agree on the roles both of us would have. I would assume the household duties when I could. When I was busy or had deadlines, he would pick up where I left off. It wasn’t fair to him to have to do it all by himself. We both cook, clean and do laundry. And this works for us.

When I agreed to become Wesley’s wife, I agreed to be one half of our unit. So using work and life as an excuse to get out of that wasn’t ok.  I promised to take care of him and our family. And the same for him.  If this means that some days, work goes on the back burner so that I can make his favorite meal, then so be it. If it means doing a little more planning on the weekend, so that during the week I can be “present”, fine. These are the compromises you make when you love someone. And you do it because it makes them happy, which makes you happy. Meeting the needs of your partner (or at least trying to) is crucial in maintaining a relationship. But that’s another post. 🙂

Love Literally.

Ticking down (or up?) to marriage

“Are you married?” Is a question I hear often hear. It’s usually followed up by “Do you have children? Are you expecting?”  When the answer is no, I get looks of confusion and grief. Yes, I am young and yes I am married. No, I did not get married because I was pregnant. I married for love.
In society today, marrying for love seems like some far away concept that’s never been heard of. The thought of marriage today is seen as a prison sentence; it is a last resort. You would be throwing yourself into a pit of lions with T-bone steaks strapped to your back. And marrying at a “young age” makes it even worse. But why? Why is it that being married is seen more as an omen of death than one of new life?
When Wesley and I announced we were getting married, we received our fair share of backlash from family, friends and people we didn’t even know. 😮 “What’s the rush?” “How do you even know you’ll be together that long?” “Can you handle being MARRIED?!” Definitely not what we expected. We thought the world would be proud of two young people making this kind of decision. We were getting MARRIED, not MURDERING someone. With faith in each other and in God, we did it anyway. And here we are two years later, enjoying every minute of it.
Now do we recommend everyone our age going out and getting hitched? Heck no! Wes and I were mature enough and at a place in our lives where we could make that kind of decision.  If a person isn’t fully ready (emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially), it’ll be a tough road going.
Thoughts?